The longing and fear of truly being seen

We all have a longing to be seen and understood, to be recognized for who and what we are however this doesn't mean that there can't be deeply rooted fear connected to this desire. In a world where it is so easy to be visible on the outside it seems to be even harder to be really seen by someone. But what does it even mean to see another for who they really are?

Social media has created a strange world where people show themselves and their lives in detail. As much as this seems very intimate, and it can be, we should not forget that it is just a little fraction of someone's life. It never shows what is truly going on or how someone is feeling, what they know or even how they look. It is a fake world afterall and that is easy to forget especially if people share a lot of private content. Everyone just shows what they want to show of themselves and puts a filter on. We also do this in real life in basically every social interaction. We have masks that we put on depending on who we are in contact with. Our boss knows a different version of us than our parents or our friends and this is healthy and normal and helps us to cope on a daily basis with life.

There is still a part of us that most likely feels the need to open up on a deeper level where we can be vulnerable without being judged. Here is the point, we can only show as much of ourselves as much as we are willing to meet the hidden parts of us that can feel uncomfortable. It is painful to open up about moments in our life that have left a scar. Maybe we feel ashamed and not safe to share what happened to us because we don't want to be judged. In the end it usually is us who is self-critical.

As kids not many of us have learned to be true to ourselves. We were punished or judged for our emotions and actions without understanding why and this creates a lack of trust in ourself which makes us lack trust in others. This longing we had as children to truly be seen and understood doesn't go away though, it just transforms and makes us do crazy things like putting filters over our faces and personalities. We might want to put ourselves out there and show us physically but as soon as someone comes closer to us and wants to look under the façade we get scared and pull back. It's a back and forth of hide and seek where we are unsure if we even want to be found.

As we all share this fear to some extent it would make sense to come to the conclusion that we can just be who we are. Judgment is only a reflection of the person who does the judging, it shows their insecurities and wounds more than anything else. When we feel safe to open up and go deeper in a relationship it can be the most beautiful thing to be seen and heard. We all want someone who just understands us and accepts us the way we are, the only catch here is that we have to understand and accept ourselves first in order to find those people. Others are simply a reflection of us and they will always mirror back how we feel about ourselves. That's why we have to do the inner work if we want deep and meaningful connections. When we can connect to our inner self and accept all parts of us then we are able to share those parts with others and build a relationship where we can really see each other. This goes for any type of relationship, friends or family often just get a version of us that hides something we are afraid of showing too.

Again, if we truly want to be seen we have to be able to show all the parts of us, the beautiful and the ugly ones. In order to be able to do that we have to accept and befriend them ourselves. A life where we are constantly afraid of being who we are is a life only half lived. To live fully means to be fully who we are and as humans we will always have complex, complicated and uncomfortable emotions and situations to face. That doesn't make us less loveable, it makes us unique and whole and that is the most beautiful part of being human. I am not saying it is easy, it probably is one of the hardest things to feel comfortable in our own skin with our 'flaws' and different facettes and be able to show them to others. The outcome though is quite rewarding as it opens up possibilities of deep connection and beautiful moments not only with others but with ourselves as well. As always, when we conquer our fears we grow and enrichen our lives.